Men, 10 Things You Should Never Do When You Visit Your in-law

In every relationship in Ghana, the biginest moment comes when you have to be introduced officially to your partners family. 

Outside the country in the western world, this is no big deal but right here in Ghana, it is a very big deal. That meeting practically will define whether your relationship will get the approval of the family or not.

Your partner holds the final say but of course, you won’t marry her to strangers so it’s important how this first official meeting goes.

At this meetup, your partners family will ask you questions in an effort to get to know you better. These questions can come from every aspect of life. From where you come from, your family, what you do, what you’ve been doing before meeting their daughter, how you feel about their daughter, what your future plans are etc.. Some families can get under your skin but you need to put yourself together and stay calm.

This is one dreaded moment for most guys and that’s why we’ve put together these 10 “Not To Do’s” which will guide you and ensure that when you get to meet your woman’s family, you’ll pass the test.

1. Chew Gum

For us Ghanaians, it’s rude and doesn’t show respect for you to chew gum while talking to an elderly person. Therefore, when you visit your potential in-laws, make sure you don’t have gum in your mouth. If you’re a habitual gum chewer, lose it before you enter the house. You might be the most respectful and show a lot of promise with your answers to them but this can turn everything around and they’ll see you as being disrespectful.

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2. Sit With Your Legs Crossed

This is another rude gesture in the Ghanaian setup. Even if it’s your own parents, sitting with your legs crossed while talking shows a lot of disrespect and must be avoided if possible. Whiles, you’re in the house, sit straight, don’t sit leisurely as if you’re in your own house and never cross your legs at any point during the meeting. If you’re somebody who enjoys this, then have the discipline to put it aside for some few minutes whiles you meet with your future in-laws. It wouldn’t cost you a thing not to do it but it’ll cost you a lot if you do. The choice is yours.

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3. Speak With A Lot Of Gestures

There are people who are naturally gesticulators, they can’t speak without their arms all over the place. However, at that meeting with your future in-laws, do not try this. Speak with very minimal gesticulation and you’ll warm their hearts. Using lots of gesticulations makes it seem like you’re talking to your co-equals and it wouldn’t work in your favour. There are families who are very open and will encourage you to feel free but this doesn’t mean they’ll accept anything from you. Put your actions in words and you’ll be fine.

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This is a very big no. Never ever speak broken English or pidgin in front of your future in-laws. Do not be tempted. This is the ultimate show of disrespect to any parent in Ghana. Broken English is spoken among equals, it’s a sign of disrespect when you speak pidgin to an adult in Ghana. Never use pidgin English at any point in your conversation with your woman’s family. If it’s a sibling who speaks to you in pidgin, then you can respond same since you’ll be equals but never respond to the parents with broken English unless you want to say bye bye to your partner.

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5. Be On Your Phone

It’s an era of social media and most people cannot do away with their phones for even a minute. This act is ruining relationships yet nothing seems to be working to curb it. However, no matter how you enjoy being on your phone, put it aside in this meet-up. It’s not a show of respect to be on your phone whiles in the presence of people who want to know you better. It’s a sign that you’re not interested in what they have to say or the meeting isn’t that important to you. If you don’t want to be tempted, turn off your phone for that brief moment. You can put it back on when you leave or when the questioning session ends and they leave you two.

6. Request For Alcohol

It is normal to be asked for what you care for when you visit people in their homes and this meeting wouldn’t be an exception. However, don’t use the opportunity to request for any alcoholic beverage. Even when they propose, respectfully turn it down. Do you honestly believe that a family will approve for their child to be with am alcoholic? It’s also an act that shows what you can do in future. If you’re drinking alcohol with your in-laws on your first visit, what can’t you do when you get comfortable with them? Turning it down shows that you’re respectful and you have a lot of self-restraint.

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7. Be Sarcastic

No matter the situation or whatever question you’re asked, prevent yourself from being sarcastic. Even if it’s a joke, restrain yourself from going down that lane. The Akan’s will say “wetu asem ama me”. Elderly people in Ghana always feel disrespect when you answer them with sarcasm. It doesn’t show respect and in this situation, it can mess up a probably beautiful meeting.

8. Be Rude

There are some families who are quite intrusive and can be a bit rude in their line of questioning but hold yourself from getting angry and being rude. They can get away with it but you won’t. No matter how disrespectful or provocative their questions may be or even when it gets to the worse and you feel insulted, hold yourself from being rude to them. Just a few minutes of tolerance can go a long way to save your relationship. You need to also remember that some parents will also do it intentional to see how you’ll react. This will let them know whether you’re quick-tempered or not so be careful.

9. Be Impatient

This is a very important meet-up and therefore you must schedule it for a time you know you’ll be free. When it happens that they schedule the meet-up and you agree, kindly have the time for it when you’re there. There’s nothing more annoying than talking to someone who keeps looking at his watch or whose posture looks like one who wants to end the conversation and leave. You might have other equally or more important engagements but once you’re with them, have the time for them until it’s all over. When the questions end, you can then politely ask permission to leave to attend to other matters. They’ll respect you for this.

10. Show Disrespectfulness When Talking About Their Daughter

“What got you attracted to our daughter?”

….”I met her at the office and she looked so hot and sexy…..”…..

this right here is a sign of disrespect to the lady and saying this before her parents isn’t something they’ll forgive you for. They’ll see it as you seeing their daughter as a sex object. This is Ghana and Africa, so when talking about your woman, be very careful with your choice of words. There are things you can say to her alone which might be cool but saying them to her parents wouldn’t have the same effect. Even when you’re pushed to say things she does which you don’t like, stay safe, do not go talking about all her bad side.